Stay Tuned....

I have been MIA for awhile. Sorry. Life and new adventures have kept me away. For those of you that know me, I have always been interested in photography. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always had a camera in my hand. (Thanks to my Aunt Melinda) I have been building my portfolio for about 2 years. And I feel that the time is right to take things to the next level. I have a passion for capturing life's most special moments. I am so excited about what the future holds for me! I will be creating my photography blog in the next few days. Stay tuned.....there is A LOT more to come!

Friendships

I have been reading the book, "Friendships for Grown-ups" recently. And although I knew I would like this book, I didn't realize what an impact it would have on me.  I have found this book to be a source of support for me. I am not sure why it is so hard to have valuable, meaningful friendships as adults. I have a lot to offer!! I have been hurt by so called "friends" in the past. Women that I thought were my friends that in turn were talking about me to other people in a negative way. Or women that I have trusted who have told my heartfelt secrets to others. I have been betrayed by "friends". Why is it so hard to find people with real values and morals? Who can love me for who I am? There are a lot of "friends" these days that are only there for me when they see me at a weak point. And although I appreciate those moments, I would really like to not be a pity case. I want friends that love me when I am strong and when I am weak. I get very discouraged when I put myself out there and am rejected, so to speak. It happens more often than not. It makes me sad. And I wonder if it is just me.

Pain in the...

I am bruised and sore. I had a cardiac ablation done on Dec. 29th, 2010 for my WPW. I have put this off for 20 years. It was minimally invasive like the Dr's have always said. I arrived at the hospital at 7 am. Went to the procedure room at 7:45 and came out around 1ish pm. I was not totally put under but was in a twilight. After I was brought into my room to recover, I had to lay flat for 3 hours and then for the last hour I was able to sit at a 30 degree angle but was not allowed to move my head forward. I left the hospital at 5:00 pm and came home. I have bruising from my groin to my mid-thigh. But all in all, my recovery is going well. I am still having some palpitations but I won't really know for a few months whether or not it worked. It has been a long time coming and I am so hoping that I do not need to have it done again.

walking alone

I have been struggling for months with this. And I have to put it out there to deal with it. One of my very best friends walked out on me last year. I need her. I have needed her ears and her understand and her laughter. We have known each other since I was 16. A VERY LONG TIME! She walked out on me. She was the only friend that I specifically called to tell when I was diagnosed with leukemia. She cried. I cried. We cried together. I wasn't alone. But that was it. There hasn't been a  close connection between us since. I know she is busy. She had recently returned to work after being a stay at home mom. She has 4 kids. Her husband is going to school and working nights. But it has been over a year since I have talked to her on the phone. I have called and text. I sent emails. No luck. She wrote me off. And of course, I blame myself. If only I hadn't called her when I was diagnosed. I know my diagnosis hurt a lot of people. I think the hurt is too much for her. I think she had to withdraw to protect herself from the pain in case I didn't make it through this journey.
I feel all sorts of emotions. I am sad that we no longer talk. I am angry because I needed her friendship. I am confused because I don't understand why she isn't here with me to support me and be there for me.
This situation has made me build up a wall that I had taken down. Friends hurt. And even though I feel that pain, I do hope that one day I will be able to trust and have a wonderful friend like her again.

#6 (a little late)

Today, I am thankful for my mistakes. If it weren't for all of the mistakes I have made, I wouldn't be who I am today. We all need to make mistakes. It is the only way to learn and grow as a person. There has been a lesson learned from every mistake I have made, whether it is deemed large or small. And for those lessons, I am thankful. I can now pass on this knowledge to my children.

#5

Today I am thankful for the gift of being the parent to 4 wonderful kids. I really do feel it is a gift. I was chosen to be their mom. I feel very grateful and blessed. They make me smile and laugh every day. They remind me to be young. I cherish every moment of watching them grow. I am thankful I get to be their mom.

#4

Today,  I am thankful for 2nd chances. Everyone deserves them, right? I am so thankful for mine. And I am not planning on wasting it. I am trying to live everyday to the fullest. Whatever that is for that day. Sometimes, it is snuggling on the couch with my loved ones. Others is it trying to pay it forward some how. I am thankful for 2nd chances.